Things You Wish You Hadn’t Said in the Interview

WE have all experienced at one time or another that painful stab of realization that what has just come out of our mouths was completely wrong, or could only have been said with such confidence by a buffoon.  Sometimes we can backtrack out of it, or switch into an “I was making a poor joke” mode.  We might salvage the situation, and even in rare cases advance our position.  However, this coach does not recommend blurting and then desperately receding as an interviewing strategy.  An overwhelmingly better method is to anticipate in advance, think through, and practice your responses, rather than wing it with questionable humor (the kind which pops up here with unnerving frequency).  Why is it, then, that the average job candidate is woefully unprepared to slam dunk that interview?  We shall take up that question in a later blog.  I promise–not too much later.

This blog is dedicated to those unbelievable blurts and moronic retorts and questions that one might emit if one were a member of, oh… say a couple of late vaudevillian and single-reel film characters, one of whom was known as “Curley.”  This is just for fun, folks, because people in Career Transition, which as we all know is unemployed in a tuxedo, need a little humor in their lives just to get through the day.  It is also a reminder that almost any mistake we make will have been topped by someone else’s.

I would be “embalmed” if people added their own ludicrous examples to the list via comments.

To wit(-less), here are some examples of statements and questions NOT to say during a job interview:

1. When is recess around here?

2. Can I bring my pet ferret to work?

3. I hope you hire me. There are some awesome babes working here.

4. I can do this job.   I did something like this in the pen.

5. You guys all seem really nice, like I would never have a reason to sue you.

6. As an affirmative answer to a question, “Nyuk nyuk, nyuk..Why soitanly!”

7. What a gas…people really buy this crap you sell?

8. Can I have an office close to the bathroom?

9. Of course there’s no smoking in the office.  Like I can’t wait until after work to get high!

10. Can I hang my Charles Manson poster on my cube wall?

11. You were joking about the starting salary, right?

12. Hasn’t anyone thought of starting a union around here?

If I receive enough great examples from you, dear readers, I’ll feature them in a future blog.

Why Should I Give My Time For Free if I Don’t Have a Job?

Many people in career transitions struggle with the advice that I give about volunteering, which is:

JUST DO IT!

When I am coaching I hear rationalizations such as:

“I don’t really have the time right now–all of my effort is focused on finding a job, not a volunteer gig.”

“It makes me depressed to think that the only job I can get is one that doesn’t even come with pay.”

“I don’t feel comfortable around people who are sick or are looking for handouts.  How is that going to help me?”

Get off of monster.com and Get Out of the House

Volunteering is an important piece of your networking agenda and should not be neglected.  But there are many other benefits to volunteering directly related to your career goals.  There are both practical reasons and emotional reasons for making the choice to volunteer your time.  First, if you are not networking enough in person, it gets you out of the house.  You may have noticed that no company has rung your doorbell recently inviting you to be their Vice President.  No slur to you.  I’m sure you would make a great Vice President.  But recent astudies show that up to and even more than 90% of  new hires are achieved through word-of-mouth (an interesting idiom–not word of “email” or “word of Tweet.”  And nameless, faceless “H.R.” department worker bees do not care about you or your career.  They are under orders to screen for specific qualifications.  Meeting a person in person–that sounds redundant, but haven’t you signed off on a phone call or email interchange, “nice meeting you?”–is to your advantage if you know how to behave in your best interest.  Sadly, many do not, which we will discuss in another blog.  You have to go out to meet people who may be interested in your career.

Connecting and Showing Your Expertise

Stop and think about who is on the board of volunteer organizations., and who else might be volunteering.   These are people who by the very nature of their involvement, are connectors.  They are connected to others who no doubt are board members or volunteers elsewhere; they often have high-level career positions; they may be married to the owner of a company you have targeted; they may be retired, and happy to mentor you.  Often while volunteering you get an opportunity to try new skills and show your leadership abilities.  When people ask about your profession–and they will–it gives you a great opportunity to ask the organization, “Are there any tasks I could do for the organization that are in my area of expertise?”  Some of the most important volunteering needs are in the areas of event creation, accounting and bookkeeping, administrative, scheduling, counseling, registration of guests and clients, public relations, grant writing and organizing fund-raising projects.  If you have not yet developed a comfort level with people with challenges, it may be time to give it a try.  There are, also, as mentioned above, volunteer positions which are not part of the direct service provision of the organization.  Volunteering provides excellent opportunities to keep up your creative processes, and your communication,  people and leadership skills.

Get Some Warm and Fuzzies

For the emotional reasons, let’s start with warm and fuzzies.  Executive Directors, teachers, and agency or religious leaders are grateful for your help.  You are assisting them in accomplishing their goals.  More often than not, they will tell you this in no uncertain terms.  Say “Thanks, I enjoy helping.”  It will make you feel good to help others.  It increases your feelings of self-worth.  Additionally, when you are down in the dumps, there’s nothing like exposure to people who have it worse than you do–and there is always someone who has it worse than you do–to give yourself a little perspective on your life.  To reframe who you are and what you have.  Developing perspective brings gratitude and humility, and helping others  develops self-esteem.  Healthy self-esteem is essential for improving your self-presentation to others while networking and interviewing.

If you want to discuss in more detail how volunteering can help you, or for suggestions on where to start, contact me through one of my sites listed here.

To read some stories about people who volunteered while looking for a job, read Meagan Pittsley’s blog at:

http://tinyurl.com/volunteeringworks

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

Recently KMOV’s Vickie Newton’s blog mentioned the problem of job applicants being told that they are overqualified for the job for which they have applied.  We’ve heard this for years, but never have so few jobs been offered to so many, for so little–to paraphrase Churchill.  One must conclude that 1)the applicant actually would like to be seriously considered for the position, and 2)the company would be obtaining a more highly skilled employee for less.  So where’s the beef?

I talked to a large employer about this, and he spouted the typical conventional wisdom, which is, “if we hire an overqualified person, then they will be either bored or resentful, and they might leave in a year or two.”  I asked him what his current retention rate was, and he stated, “about 2.5 years.”

“So,” I smugly stated, “the idea of the long-term employee is just a myth.  People leave anyway. “  He shrugged and indicated that he guessed that there was some truth in that.  Not to mention points 1 and 2 above.

Just yesterday one of my clients expressed an interesting dilemma.  Her previous job title was Executive Producer (of large-scale corporate events).  She lives in southern California, where everybody knows somebody in the movie business, but nobody seems to know anybody who can actually help you to get in to the movie business.  A couple of recruiters saw her resume and one asked her what movies she had produced?

“No, I’m sorry, you have misunderstood.  I’m not a movie producer.  I’m an event producer.”

“Oh, now I see.  Did you produce  Michael Jackson’s memorial?  That was beautiful–you must be very talented,” exclaimed the enthusiastic recruiter.

“No, I’m afraid I’m still not being clear.  I produced new model automotive shows.”

“Car shows?”  questioned the recruiter.  “I’ve been to a car show.  But the cars just sit there.  They don’t have any lines, or sing, or even honk.  What is there to produce?”

My client is seeking help from another recruiter.

My advice was to alter the job title to something less idiosyncratic.   She asked if this was OK to do.  I explained that it would be doing both you and the target companies a favor by creating a title that was more representative of what you actually did, and more understandable to the hiring managers and HR people, who are the ones who invent titles.

Did you know that in very large companies there is usually a quiet division doing very secretive work in an isolated area of the building, whose sole job is to create position titles which are logically unrelated to the position they are supposed to describe?  This conscious obfuscation is yet another way for bureaucrats to deflect accountability that should be inherent in the position.  Which is why this division has so much inordinate power.  If a RIF occurs and any of the positions occupied by denizens of this secretive organization within an organization are slated for the chopping block, they simply decree themselves new job titles, thereby escaping the Grim Reaper of Employment.  Now there’s a group of  employees who have really good retention.

I suppose the moral of this story is that if you are not lucky enough to work in the Department of Titles, just act dumber than you are, and your chances of getting hired will improve.

Still Unemployed? Maybe Hollywood is Calling

Imagine needing to write, produce, direct, and act in your own production of You, the Movie! Sounds a bit intimidating, unless you are one of my career transition candidates who were recently laid off from a well-known, locally based, bankrupt cable company (whose name will not be mentioned) who actually have all of those skills.

This is exactly what is suggested in an unsolicited email ad I received today.  Perhaps you’ve seen it.  It begins with the tag line “Job Search Guide – Increase Your Chances of Getting an Interview.”  Now who among the unemployed does not want to increase his chances of being interviewed for a job?  Good lead in.  I kept reading.

The email urges job seekers to create their own videos about who they are and what they bring to a hiring company.  On some levels,  I actually think this is a pretty nifty idea.  After all, everybody under 30 has already shared their “special skills” in self-made videos with the entire internet-linked world via UTube.  Skills like sliding on their asses down a railing into a not-quite-frozen pond, or wailing about leaving Brittany alone, doing the moonwalk, and of course, eating pasta with your feet.  So why not focus on something useful, like earning a living?

The email stated that one must take advantage of the latest recruitment trends to stay at the head of the class.  The words latest recruitment trends formed a hyperlink to –what do you think–an interesting article or listing of these trends, right?  No, it takes you to a page of  “free” magazines that you can get by signing up (read putting yourself on their email and snail mail lists). These include the internationally recognized and acclaimed career enhancement journals such as Reinforced Plastics, Renal Business Today, American Spa,  Roads and Bridges, Public Utilities Fortnightly, and the often misunderstood RotorHub, which “provides a fresh overview of the civil and public service rotorcraft world.” I swear to you I did not make these up.

The next hyperlink embedded in the same paragraph refers to your well written resume, which takes you to a new page selling their resume-writing services.  I am so jealous that I didn’t think of this.  I help people with well-written resumes.  Only with me, a little work of your own is involved.  OK, a  lot of work is required from you.  I have to get to know who you are before I can help you draft a smashing resume.  Most job candidates themselves don’t know  who they are–at least with regard to their actual value.  I consider my ability to draw this hidden knowledge from candidates and teach them to recognize and express their strengths a pretty darn good skill.  But I digress.

The email then provides you with a nice set of guidelines that you probably wouldn’t have thought of yourself, such as “dress appropriately,” “do a practice run,” and especially “be yourself.”  I thought that the idea was to be Brad Pitt.

Should you, nay, can you really create your own video that actually makes you look more like Brad Pitt than Johnny Knoxville, in the recommended 1-3 minutes of running time?  Another important question:  you know those pesky but ubiquitous and mandatory on-line applications?  Have you ever noticed the section that states “upload your personal video here?”   Say there is an actual email address to which you can upload your video or a physical location to which a disc can be mailed (careful, don’t confuse it with your Cancun vacation videos).  Who is going to see it?  It is the H.R. Assistant, the equivalent person who tested your patience at another company when her phone screening techniques included asking three separate times if you had more than five years experience when any dolt who reads can see on your resume that you have over ten years?  Oh, wait, reading is not the same as adding.

Towards the end of this highly enlightening advertorial on improving your chances of getting an interview, the email begins to unabashedly sell it’s other revenue-generating service which, for a reasonable fee, distributes your resume to the hundreds, perhaps thousands of recruiters and hiring managers that they, and only they know about.  The emailer doesn’t exactly make this claim, but surely implies it.  I must give them credit where credit is due–they provide a list of career resources that open up job search tips that are indeed helpful, if not the exclusive knowledge domain of this company.

I’m as willing as the next dinosaur to check out the “next best thing” and try to keep up with relevant trends.  But if we need help creating excellent  resumes (and let’s face it folks, 9/10 of us really do), what the heck kind of videos are we apt to make?  We could end up startling the viewer with a nightmare of clownish grins and sub-par lighting that adds ten years to our faces, not to mention ten pounds to our bodies.  If you ever wonder why on-air personalities and Hollywood writers get paid so much, try to make your own video that actually makes you look and sound really good.  If you even consider doing this, as in any act of risky self-revelation, please seek professional help.